Hey! Im back with another (more opinionated–ish) post. I'll try to make this one simpler than usual.
Trust is a tricky thing to master between families. It is important that you be assertive in defining and enforcing rules to maintain the order within the family.
You might say that you balance this out by providing warmth appropriately and proportionately to the amount of order you give. This is good and all, but if you don't trust your children then they might just get the wrong ideas.
By trusting in your child is not to increase the risk of any "rule breaking" to occur, but to increase the chances for "moral growth." The easy answer is that if you are certain that your child is morally just, then it is simply a matter of observation.
Exhibit A: Trust in terms of reminding. Instead of constantly reminding them of things they "haven't done" or you think they might have "forgotten to do," try observing. Its fine if your child explicitly tells you to remind them, but it becomes annoying when parents remind their children of something they were just about to do. Observe and watch, especially for the older ones. Reminding them and ensuring that they complete the task through observation can lead to the children living more independently. As for the older ones, when parents give only a single reminder (and only that) could implicitly imply that the are trusting them. It encourages them to be more independent or even makes them more received that they are being trusted.
Exhibit B: Assuming the worst. Though an important necessity, a child may view their parents as "over protective" rather than "concerned" if not done well. Do not assume (mostly for the older ones), that your children might break the order as soon as he/she can. It is wise to assume the worst, but observe and adapt first. (Example!) When you buy them a new phone, establish a clear order and then observe. Assertively convey your rules and do not be overly cautious. Do not actively restrict their freedom to use the phone (outside of your established rules), because this might make them think and see that you don't trust them as an independent person.
Exhibit C: Personal Limits. This one is the most subjective of the latter so far. To put it shortly, if your child says she can do it, then trust them. Lets say that your child seems more tired than usual. Its completely natural to be concerned, but don't immediately assume the worst or think that he/she is pushing themselves too much. In this case, asking them is the better option. Be upfront or direct and and if your still not sure, directly confront them on the matter.
Let's say that, your child has been looking at their gadgets for longer periods of times or looks like they are more tired than usual. Ask them about what they are doing, do Not be condescending or doubtful, but be accepting and open. Maybe they are using their gadgets because of school, or opening their gadgets for stress relief. In the case of the latter, do not reject them, but continue observing (without being to direct) and see how well they can "survive." Or in the case of stress relief, be understanding (since they are most likely already facing pressure from school or social life) and trust that they are using the media wisely.
Of course, if any of their behaviours violate the rules and order you have established, feel free to enforce and be assertive of the rules. However, being trusting and believing in them can provide the warmth that simple acts of reciprocation, rewards, presents, or even gifts cannot provide.
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